out of time

i had a dinosaur.

it came from the science museum in fort worth in summer 2001. it was the time my mother was visiting me in the united states. the first visit.

we drove to fort worth, went to the fort worth modern (it was pre-tadao ando) and science museum, and ate at an italian restaurant.
it was such a summer day. we were heavily rained on on the way back to dallas.

my mother and i fell in love with this dino at the museum store, and she insisted to buy it for me; "takako, it will keep you a company!" ...well, i was (let's say "already") 24 at that time. parents never accept that kids also get older.

although this dino was with me for a long time, i thought it needs the right company for himself. a dino (which, i think, is basically a dragon) needs a princess to protect, not another dragon (i'm a year of dragon). we both should grow out of each other.

i sent this to my friend's daughter, mira, in new york. she is the perfect princess with the crown (she was wearing a felt-made princess crown all the time, when she was in town last winter), i thought.

hope they get along.

and more.

so, more of them.

one of them, i think i had it when i was in grad school. omg, it's been 7 years.

too long.

talisman

i am a very superstitious person.

that's how i have hard time getting rid of talisman; it's supposed to be burned in bonfire at shrines or temples at the end of year; they expire after a year.

we are not supposed to keep a talisman more than a year, but this one has been at my apartment more than a year. i couldn't find a fire, i couldn't find a right moment to do it.

...also, after having such a thing in your daily life for a year, you get attached to it, and you would want to take a proper process to take care of the object.

.......also, another simple thing; i just loved this talisman. it is such a beautiful object with such a beautiful entity.

last month, i was house-sitting for somebody, and there was a fire place in the house. i knew i had to do it. otherwise, i will carry this talisman around for a long time, longer than i should.

it burned beautifully, and i felt good that i could release this small object.

spirits dwell in any small objects.

keep on going

haruki murakami's writing has been one of most important elements in my life since i read his book when i was in junior high.

some of his writings have answers for who i am, what i want, and where i'm going.
some of his books, i read so many times and those keeps on giving me a balance between what i think and what i miss, what i follow.

except for some short stories, i read everything he wrote over last 20 years. although i had read mostly in japanese, i read some of his writings in english. this is one of those:"what i talk about when i talk about running."

i was always intrigued by the idea of running even before i had read this book. i had tried to run so many times in the past, and i always stopped after 3 or 4 months. i enjoy running, but somehow it didn't capture me and i quit.

when i started to read this book, i know to whom i am giving this book. since i found out that i am not a running person, i wanted this to belong to somebody who is so into running. so it became a birthday present for my frind, runner buck.

i hope it would keep her running, as other writings of murakami keeps my mind running.

days go by.

last year, 2009, i bought a diary book.

since i moved to this little town, i have been feeling that days go by almost too fast. so, at the beginning of last year, i thought that keeping schedule would help me to slow it down, and i wanted to try.

i used to love making notes of what to do, what i did, and writing down all the deadlines.
however, what i found out with this little diary was that i was not even capable of knowing what to do...

i chose pink since that is the color that i never choose, and i thought it would bring me a change.
such a fallacy.

i did not like pink.
i did not like this little thing.
i did not like looking at it.

this year, i am wiser; i bought a green diary book.
i hope i will do better with one of my favorite colors.

bye bye 2009! it was such a messy year!!

smiling faces

my father gave me these.
these are some pieces of designed cloth that his project team ordered to use for some advertisement projects in japan.
smily ebisu-sama (ebisu-sama is one of many japanese gods, a third child of izanagi).

my father founded a small advertisement design company by himself when he was 40, and he has been leading and working for it more than 20 years.

whenever i feel hopeless for my life, he always says that i could jump into a new thing at any time; that's what he did at the age of 40.
he is going into a new thing at 64 now: re-establishing and re-evaluating his life to fight against cancer.

he is actually very difficult person to deal with, although/because he is amazingly aggressive and positive soul, fought for what he valued and achieved many. and i appreciate who he is for me so much.

i never really used these pieces of cloth, so i thought somebody could have it. when mike, my friend, stopped by my apt, he saw these and he wanted these, so now these are in his collection of cloth pieces (i know he collects a lot).

a hole in the bottom.

a hole in the bottom. that sounds bad.

this semi-tote bag, which i found in japan, got 2 holes in the bottom.

my mother and i went out for shopping one day, while i was in japan for 2 weeks in summer of 2003, and found this bag. it was the year my dear sister got engaged.

once a bag have a hole, it cannot hold things that we want it to hold. i am so not independent person, and i always rely on my bags and purses to carry many things; books, pens, a lip balm, pieces of papers with notes, to-do's, to-think's, to-feel's, everything i need to carry with me to exist away from my "home."

i need a new bag, that can carry many things.